Look What I Found

Posted by Mark:

So I found this post as a "draft" from way back in October 2009. Not sure why I never posted it. anyway I still think a lot of these comments are funny and true so enjoy:

If you're not someone who likes those "long list" posts then you should just go back to what you were doing before now.....or just go to someone elses blog. But it's 3am and Im bored waiting for my wife to get home from work... therefore I stole this off a friends blog who admits to stealing it from someone else who stole it from someone else... one big ring of theft....I love the circle of kife. Anyway I thought quite a few of these were relevant to myself so I wanted to copy our good friend Megan and bold the ones that I completely agree with as well as maybe add a tid bit of my own commentary which I put in Orange

*More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Mark: "I find I do this when someone is telling me their name as well.... I tend to try and think of something clever to say or a question ask during this time and while I was doing that I completely forgot the name they told me..."

*Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

*Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

*I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Mark: "I recall as a child walking around the house on Sunday afternoons and saying to myself. "Why is everyone taking a nap?? there are so many more entertaining things to do!" Now of course I couldn't disagree more! I LOVE a good nap and take one as often as occasion permits. In college I would purposely arrange my classes so that I would have an hour or so break in between that I might make my way to the quiet nooks of the library and catch a few ZZZZZ's Now I practically race out of church so I can get home to my bed as quickly as possible and take an extra long nap."

*Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

Mark: "I completely agree with this one. If I want to add someone to my friends I would have done it already. And another thing, if I've rejected someone once, why would I accept the friend request 2 or 3 times later....get a clue "

*Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no Internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

Mark: "If you owned a Nintendo you had your secret formula. I found that pounding on the top of the system helped as well."

*There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Mark: "I've had many a misunderstood instant message / text message conversation due to the lack of a sarcasm font!"

*Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.

Mark: "This happened to me the other day when I was watching a great classic 80's movie The Secret to my Success staring Michael J. Fox... I remember how much I liked watching it as a kid and now after seeing It as an adult I realized it really wasn't a movie young kids should be watching...."

*I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

Mark: "Bottle Rocket to name one"

*How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Mark: "I struggle with this one... I usually just end up rolling it up and just jamming it into the sheet drawer."

*I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

Mark: "Kimmi points this out to me every time we go shopping. I let her grab as many as she wants and then I do everything in my power to carry every last one of the ones she left behind so that I wont have to come outside again. tell me is that being Lazy? or trying to prove ones manliness??"

*I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

*The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

*Was learning cursive really necessary?

*Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

Mark: "I usually take it to mean "leave me alone I'm busy and don't have time to write anything else." For me I choose to use haha instead"

*I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Mark: "I will often find myself wandering around the kitchen when I'm bored going from cupboard to cupboard looking for something that looks good. This process can repeat itself 4 or 5 times thinking that magically something that wasn't in the cupboard before will present itself to be eaten....."

*Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

Mark: "Ive always been a firm believer in following ones instinct but yeah when a cruel teacher does this you begin to second guess oneself like no other!"

*My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

*Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart.”

*How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

Mark: "I go for the rule of 2. I ask "what" twice and if I still don't understand, I just pretend that I did and hope that I'll figure it out later or someone else explains it to me."

*I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

*Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

Mark: "I tend to go explain letters in categories. My favorite category is animals, however this often gets me in trouble because when you get to the weird letters I begin to draw this spoken of 'blank'..... "that's U as in.....unicorn...." Totally makes me look like an idiot. Interestingly enough though one of my pet peeves is when people describe the letters of my last name and use "D as in dog"... as though its' derogatory or something. not sure why it bugs me.

*What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

*While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

*MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Mark: "Also, because of technology, I've started ignoring people when they give me turn by turn directions and I just pretend like I'm writing what you say down. "Yeah I have a pen and paper, so I take a left and then a right at the stop sign? Got it." when in reality I'm just going to type the address into my iPhone and look at my map."

*Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Mark: It's like watching a movie and cutting off the last 10 minutes....I kind of feel cheated."

*I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Mark: "I still find it hard to believe that this one is true. If you do this I'm sorry, I think your a moron. What I've always wanted is one of those shower turn on valves that digitally displays the temperature in degrees. So cool."

*Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

*I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

*Bad decisions make good stories.

*Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

*Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

*If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

*Why is it that during an ice- breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....and in the meantime I don't hear a single name or hometown because I'm so nervous

*You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

*Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

Mark: This is the reason I don't buy many DVD's. I'm all for improved technology. if you make something better I HOPE they change to it.

*There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

*I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

*"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

*I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

*I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

*I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

*When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light Internet stalking.

*I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Mark: "I've been experiencing this lately during our remodel. I wanted to conduct an experiment to see how many songs I can get through on shuffle. its also a good gauge as to how many hours I've put into working on the house. I think I'm up to like 500 songs. granted I have skipped a few because of this exact thing spoken of. A crappy song will come on and I'll say to myself "why do I have this song!!" they need to put a 'delete' button on ipods so this problem doesn't happen. If I say to myself that I'll delete it next time I'm attached to itunes it will NEVER happen. sigh... oh well..."

*Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

*As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

*Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

*It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

*I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Mark: "I still have some numbers from like 6 years ago!! It's really quite stupid because they have yet to call me and I've switched phone numbers 4 times so there is no way they should know my number by now, but I'm still worried the second I delete the number they're going to call and I'll have to talk to them."

*Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

*Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

*My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How do I respond to that?

*It really ticks me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

*I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

*The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fatty before dinner.